Getting Out Of A Rut: Solopreneur Insights, Vol. 12
As I write this, I’m relaxing under palm trees, enjoying a gentle morning breeze, just yards away from the warm Atlantic Ocean.
Living the dream, right?
What if I told you that I spent most of yesterday frustrated, and I had to force myself to recalibrate my attitude this morning?
That I was questioning fundamental strategies?
Debating tactics that felt fruitless?
Feeling like I lost the trail and entered a dense jungle?
That doesn’t quite sound like “another day in paradise,” right?
But, it’s the truth.
There is no slack
I’ve been at this Solopreneur game for over 15 years. I’ve experienced every high and every low that it can throw at us. After years of overcoming challenges, I can look back and take confidence in knowing that I have always found a solution.
Yet, even with my experience, I still feel frustration, lack of clarity, and discouragement every now and then. I don’t expect them to go away. Instead, I’ve simply learned how to shorten the time between agony and excitement. I’ve also learned to identify the causes so that I can get to solutions much faster.
Why is this critical? Imagine a company with 50 employees, from the CEO to the sales team, the managers to the technicians. What would happen if literally every single person was in a mental rut? Imagine them all frustrated, depressed, confused, or discouraged. What kind of hellscape do they get to experience that week? Well, as a Solopreneur, you’re all of those roles for your company. If you’re in a rut, everything is in a rut. Our business can’t absorb a couple people in a rut while everyone else is good to go. Ruts get expensive fast for us.
Here are some practical steps you can start taking once you realize you’re starting to sink into a rut:
Recognize the reality of the situation
Perhaps the most important step is to stop wallowing in how you “feel” and start examining reality. I’m not one of those “stifle your emotions and get back to work” types. I recognize that most of the time, what we call “feelings” are chemical process in our bodies. If we’re dumping a gallon of cortisol into our bloodstream, we’re going to feel like crap. If you’re anything like me, you’ll default to fixating on every little thing that isn’t working. My mind will happily bask in “this doesn’t work, this sucks, that sucks, everything sucks” if I allow it to run free.
Train yourself to recognize this mind state. It simply will not benefit you, and there’s no sense in remaining in this sadistic, self-absorbed mental space. Look at it the way you look at hunger. It’s your body telling you that you need to take action to fix the problem.
The first step? Getting your attitude right.
Own your attitude
Our attitude determines our outcome. This is as true in life as any other idea. Go read Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” If he can will his way through the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp for years, we can handle the mild annoyance of 10-minute delay in our travels. For God’s sake.
We can’t always control our situations. We can ALWAYS control our attitude. If there’s one lesson I can carve in stone after 42 years of life, it’s this: A bad attitude never makes a situation better and a good attitude never makes a situation worse.
After you’ve identified that you’re not in a powerful mental state, get to work on fixing your attitude. Depending on the situation, I might take a few different approaches. That might mean taking a walk, journaling, praying, talking to someone, breath work, getting some rest, or switching to a different task. You need to figure out what works for you.
The most effective tactic for me? Focusing on gratitude.
Be grateful
Most of the time, I can get myself out of my rut by simply removing myself from the moment and fixating on the things that are going well in my life. Given that 98% of my life is awesome, it makes no sense to spend all my time focusing on insignificant frustrations that won’t matter at all in mere days.
Generally, I take a deep breath and think about my wife and kids. I think about how grateful I am that they’re happy and healthy, that we have tons of time together, and that we are able to live as we wish. These are huge gifts.
That normally works. But, I have to admit, there are times when I don’t feel an acute sense of relief from this. There is one tactic that does, however, get my mind right quickly. It’s something I noticed almost involuntarily. Here’s a little story for you.
A few years ago, I was in a public space and was frustrated by something that I don’t even remember (see how silly it is to waste time on these things?). As my mind bombarded me with “this sucks” messages, I looked to my right and noticed a family with three kids. One of them had a significant special need. I watched the parents in that moment, and it was immediately clear how difficult even the simplest daily tasks were for them. I watched their other kids, and how they interacted with each other and their parents. Despite dealing with an inescapable situation that made their best days more difficult than my worst days, they all seemed happy and loving with each other. The other kids were patient and helpful with their brother whose needs exceeded their own.
As I stood there, I literally welled up with tears. I’m doing the same thing as I write this. I’m immediately taken out of any ridiculous, short-sighted, selfish nonsense that I’m experiencing, and reminded of reality.
I mention all of this, because it might help you if you’re not able to get out of funk quickly. It might seem a little dark or even macabre to cheer yourself up by observing people who have bigger challenges than you. But, at least in my experience, it’s a powerful and efficient way to snap out of the “woe-is-me” whining fest and gain perspective.
Return to the mission
Snapping out of the spell is the first step, but it’s only the first step. The next phase is the most important: solidify the attitude with action. Now that you can think clearly about your state in life, return back to what you’re trying to accomplish. It’s easy for us to get lost in the weeds and forget about our big-picture. This might be a life goal, or it might be finishing the current task. Either way, focus on the point of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Then, take the next actionable step. If you’re not able to do that immediately, identify what it is and when you can take it. Orienting your mind toward progress helps pull you out of the rut.
This should also remind you why it’s so important to have a target that you’re aiming at. It doesn’t have to be a specific goal, but it might be. It might also be a focus on your daily process and routine. However you define it, make sure you define it. A boat without a rudder goes where the wind blows it.
Rely on the people you trust
I’m remarkably lucky to have a wife who is supportive, patient, and strong. She anchors my entire operation. She often recognizes when I’m off the path before I do. She has a way of being patient in the moment, then helpful in identifying solutions.
I’m blessed with a supportive family. I also have close friends who know me well. I hire coaches who guide me toward specific objectives. I cannot overstate the need for surrounding yourself with people who empower you.
In the world of Solopreneurship, this means fellow Solopreneurs who understand what you’re going through. They will support and guide you through any challenge. They’ll lift you up when you need it, and you can do the same for them. For all the talk about using social media to make money, building supportive relationships gets lost in the shuffle. Identify just a couple people who have been helpful and supportive. Build stronger connections with them and help each other. Find communities of like-minded people whose sole aim is to grow stronger together.
This might be a good time to mention that I’m working on building a community for Solopreneurs. I’m not talking about something people slap together and call a community. I mean the definitive place for Solopreneurs to go each day to learn, work, and grow together. We need this so badly, and I can’t wait to get all of you brilliant souls into one powerful place. More on this into the summer…
Once I work through the steps above, there’s very little residual frustration or confusion. I often emerge from what was a negative scenario into a positive and empowered state. I’m refocused and ready to take action. I’m reminded of my mission. I feel a deeper connection to the people around me.
Next time you start to feel like you’re in a rut, practice these steps. Work to return to the path. Over time, you’ll shorten the time spent in despair and more time in a positive and abundant state.
– Torrey
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Visit my website: torreydawley.com
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